Oh No! Cherry Creek to Cut Caviar Bar if Free School Lunch Tax Fails
CHERRY CREEK, CO — Tragedy has struck Colorado’s wealthiest school district: if voters fail to approve the new free school lunch tax, Cherry Creek students will be forced to endure the unthinkable — a lunch period without their beloved caviar bar.
Gov. Polis Denies Colorado Is a Rectangle
DENVER, CO — Colorado Governor Jared Polis held an impromptu press conference Tuesday where he strongly denied longstanding claims that the Centennial State is, in fact, shaped like a rectangle.
Border Flap: Wyoming Sign at Southern Border Draws Ire of Colorado Governor
CHEYENNE, Wyo. (AP) — A new sign posted along the Wyoming-Colorado border has sparked a heated exchange between state officials this week, after a photo of the sign — reading “Welcome to Colorful Colorado. Ask Yourself What Poor Life Choices Led to This.” — went viral on social media.
Colorado Republicans Outraged as GOP Ad Omits Bald Eagle and U.S. Flag
The Colorado Republican Party was left reeling Thursday night when it was discovered a flyer for one of their candidates featured neither a bald eagle nor the United States flag.
Governor Polis Wins Meat Marketer of the Year Award
In a strange twist, Polis’ nomination came as a result of him proclaiming March 20 a ‘MeatOut Day.’ Backlash from the declaration shot sales of beef, pork, veal, lamb, rabbit, kangaroo, bison, ostrich, antelope, frog, elk, llama, alligator, turtle, and yak to all-time highs.
Governor Polis Creates “Safety Squad” to Enforce Remaining COVID Restrictions
“Now is not the time to let up,” Polis implored in his announcement. “My newly formed Safety Squad—called the “SS” for short—will keep tabs on who you’re with, where you go, and what you do, in the name of public health, of course.”
Tay Anderson Recovering From Hate Crime Involving “Uniformed Jackbooted Girl Scouts”
“I was calmly leaving with my [expletive] groceries when at least two dozen [expletive] uniformed jackbooted girl scouts stepped up on me with an offensive posture, clearly intent on taking me down,” Anderson shared in the video.
Aurora Mayor Spending Week in Mansion to Better Grasp Plight of the One Percent
This week, Coffman is reluctantly living in a multi-million dollar mansion to gain insight into the lives and challenges of Aurora’s wealthiest residents.
Biden Wastes No Time Settling Into Oval Office
Among the belongings Biden was observed carrying into the office were a 20-pack of Depend adult diapers, a Tonka truck, numerous Barbie dolls, and a backpack he indicated contained three coloring books, a box of Crayola crayons, a Slinky, and a few snacks.
Mayor Hancock Issues Pre-Apology for His Upcoming Christmas Travel
DENVER, CO—Mayor Michael Hancock came under fire last month when he hopped on a plane shortly after tweeting to urge his fellow Coloradans not to travel for the Thanksgiving holiday. He apologized and said he learned a from the experience. In fact, Hancock held a press conference today to share his takeaways from the debacle […]