Denver Police Welcome Fall with Pumpkin Spice Tear Gas
DENVER, CO—Each year, as the leaves begin to fall and the temperature begins to dip, Denverites are reminded that fall is upon us. And we know what means—it’s pumpkin spice season. And while Starbucks may be in their 17th year of serving up the most successful seasonal menu item ever, Pumpkin Spice Latte, they won’t […]
Disgruntled Employee Carries Out Horrific “Virtual” Office Shooting
It is unknown how many rounds of virtual ammunition Elder had on him when he began his rampage, but several participants on the call reported hearing at least 12 to 15 “pew pews” shouted by Elder, before the firing subsided and his screen went black.
“Indiana Jones” Campaign Strategy Flops as Shane Bolling Falls in U.S. House Bid
“You chose…poorly.” Those were the final words of Shane Bolling’s concession speech marking the official end to his campaign…
Great Clips Vehemently Denies Hickenlooper’s Claim of Being “a Regular”
At a campaign event in Pueblo, former Colorado Governor and Senate hopeful, John Hickenlooper declared, “I’m a regular…
U.S. Bureau of Land Management Head Thrilled to See #BLM Campaign Taking Off
Like many government entities. the U.S. Department of the Interior’s Bureau of Land Management has struggled to keep the brand fresh and exciting throughout the years…
Starting Wildfire to Make Sunsets Prettier Was Shortsighted, Admits Fort Collins Mayor
As Council member Mindy Fallon explained, “At our last meeting, we all agreed that we could really use some deeper hues in our sunsets over the foothills. We believed a little added smoke might our citizens the rich reddish-orange tones they deserve.”
Antifa Rioters Scatter When Police Deploy Soap, Water, Deodorant
Officer Curtis Ely shared his experience with The Oyster. “We figured after months of this craziness that we were in it for the long haul with them, so I figured maybe I would pass out a few Speed Sticks and see if they’d use them. But at the sight of deodorant, they scattered like rats.