DENVER, CO—For several months now, antifa mobs have protested, rioted, and vandalized downtown Denver. In fact, many members of the far-left militant movement have been living on the city’s streets, causing them to be increasingly disheveled and unpleasant-smelling. So much so that officers began dreading being assigned to monitor and patrol antifa rallies. That is when they stumbled upon an unlikely solution.
Officer Curtis Ely shared his experience with The Oyster. “We figured after months of this craziness that we were in it for the long haul with them, so I figured maybe I would pass out a few Speed Sticks and see if they’d use them. But at the sight of deodorant, they scattered like rats. It was wild.” Other officers have observed similar phenomena when they’ve wielded soap, hand sanitizer, or even just scented Chapstick.
Since the discovery, police have reported a much easier time keeping the peace. Apparently, the only thing antifa loves more than wreaking havoc is, well, just reeking.