DENVER, CO — In a bold promotional move, the Colorado Rockies announced that next month’s game against the Miami Marlins will feature Tren de Aragua Bobblehead Night, honoring the notorious Venezuelan crime syndicate that’s been making headlines — and unwanted house calls — across the country.
Fans attending the game will receive a limited-edition bobblehead wearing a ski mask, gold chain, and holding a tiny baseball bat “for decorative purposes only.”
“We’re all about community engagement,” said Rockies PR manager Kale Breckenridge. “And when a group makes such an impact in the region, we say, ‘Why not give them their own bobblehead?’”
Critics slammed the move as tone-deaf and potentially dangerous. “You’re literally glamorizing a violent gang,” said one fan. “And the bobblehead has a QR code that takes you to their encrypted Telegram channel.”
Colorado Governor Jared Polis quickly dismissed concerns at a press conference, stating, “There are no Tren de Aragua bobbleheads. That’s just a far-right hallucination. What you saw was a limited-edition Venezuelan Diaspora Awareness Figurine.”
When asked if the Rockies planned to follow up with “Sinaloa Cartel Foam Finger Night,” Breckenridge paused, looked to the side, and whispered, “Don’t spoil the surprise.”
Meanwhile, ticket sales have spiked in Aurora, with some buyers mysteriously paying in unmarked bills and asking if the bobbleheads come with diplomatic immunity.
