DENVER, CO—Hospital employees and administrators statewide have been left scrambling for answers after the Colorado legislature indicated its intention to ban one-time-use plastic bags. Grocery chains, restaurants, and retail stores will also be impacted. In preparation for the ban, hospital blood banks have begun experimenting with alternative methods for blood storage but have yet to find an effective solution.
According to Denver Health Blood Bank Director Susan Hoffman, “We’ve tried paper lunch bags and reusable totes, but we’ve just been unable to keep the blood contained. And we don’t have long to figure it out.”
Patients are beginning to take note of the negative impact to hospital cleanliness. “It’s like a freakin’ crimson slip ‘n’ slide in here,” observed first-time blood donor Jorge Ramos while examining his blood-soaked Reeboks. “It looks like I’m on the set of a Tarantino movie.”
Employees like Hoffman, meanwhile, are left to ponder what comes next. “Hopefully the government will come to their senses. But if not, we’ve got a few options. We’ve asked the staff to start hanging onto their Amazon boxes.”
