DENVER, CO—Fed up with unsanitary conditions, the haphazard placement of new tents, and incessant screams of profanity, “residents” of a homeless encampment in Denver’s Capitol Hill neighborhood say they were left with no choice but to turn their encampment into a covenant-controlled community.
“We’ve already made a lot of great improvements,” says Charlie Washington, president of the newly-formed HOA. “To keep our tent entrances clear of urine and feces, residents are now required to defecate right over there,” Charlie explains as he gestures toward the garden-level windows of a local jewelry store.
The Oyster reviewed the covenants, conditions, and restrictions (CC&Rs) to learn what additional rules the HOA has imposed. Among our findings: each tent occupant is restricted to eight stolen bicycles, all used condoms and syringes must be saved for the nightly heaving over Denver Police’s District 6 headquarters fence, and each resident should bathe monthly in the decorative fountain of the luxury apartment complex across the street.
When presented with a petition from local homeowners and businesses regarding being burdened by the homeless’ trash and excrement, Charlie indicated, “We discussed this at length in our last meeting and unanimously agreed to the following formal petition response: ‘Screw off!’”
“And one more thing,” Charlie adds, “the correct term is ‘people experiencing homelessness.’”