WASHINGTON D.C.—Pfizer recently announced that the company’s COVID-19 vaccine, developed in conjunction with German company BioNTech, has shown to be 95% effective in trials. Meanwhile, Americans are also encouraged by preliminary efficacy data from vaccine maker Moderna. But there is at least one American who isn’t celebrating: Donald Trump.
When presented with the data on Fox News, the President was dismissive of the results. “They’re losers. I made my own vaccine in May. It’s beautiful. Over 200% effective. Tremendous vaccine.”
Host Maria Bartiromo asked Trump to elaborate on the surprise revelation that he had concocted a coronavirus vaccine. “They’ve spent millions and millions on research, but I can make one right here,” exclaimed Trump as he revealed a container of Clorox bleach, a bottle of Jack Daniels, and a coffee mug.”
Trump then proceeded to pour bleach and whiskey into the coffee mug as Bartiromo watched on, occasionally nodding affirmatively. “Two splashes Clorox and one splash Jack. A great man. Great American. Tremendous friend.”
When addressing how the vaccine should be administered, he insisted, “It can be through any body hole. Mouthhole. Earhole. Belly button hole. Believe me, 200% effective.”
After the brief demonstration, Bartiromo timidly asked the President how, if his vaccine is so effective, he managed to contract COVID in October, to which Trump replied, “I’ll go on Newsmax, Maria, is that what you want?” At that point, Bartiromo promptly chugged the coffee mug’s contents, apologized, and claimed she has never felt better.