AUSTIN, TX — In a bold and brave marketing move that no one asked for, Tesla announced today that its 2026 electric vehicle lineup will include a brand-new premium color option: White Privilege.
According to Tesla, the new color is “a radiant off-white hue with subtle undertones of inherited advantage, systemic favoritism, and the lingering scent of artisanal kombucha.”
“We wanted a color that really captures the spirit of Silicon Valley and gated communities,” said Tesla spokesperson Brayden Wyldefyre during a press conference while sipping a $17 oat milk cortado. “White Privilege is more than a paint job — it’s a statement. Specifically, it says: ‘I care about the planet, but not quite enough to take the bus.’”
Critics have questioned whether the name is “tone-deaf,” “out-of-touch,” or “aggressively insufferable,” but Elon Musk fired back on X, saying, “We tried releasing a color called ‘Blue Collar Grit,’ but it refused to self-drive.”
The White Privilege color will be available exclusively to customers who graduated from Ivy League schools, own at least one Labradoodle, and have a podcast about mindfulness. Activating the color requires linking your LinkedIn Premium account and a brief written reflection on how your great-grandfather once shook hands with Henry Ford.
Tesla reports that early buyers of White Privilege edition vehicles will also receive complimentary rooftop solar panels made from recycled New York Times op-eds and a bumper sticker that reads, “I Believe In Science, Except When It Comes To Economics.”
At press time, Tesla was reportedly testing a new vehicle interior material called “Moral Superiority Suede,” made from sustainably harvested NPR tote bags.
