MORRISON, CO—A misplaced post on an online Colorado motor racing forum sent two subcultures colliding on Wednesday.
Tracks, Denver’s oldest and largest gay nightclub, has long held an annual “drag” race to help promote fitness and competition in the community. The event features dozens of barefoot cross-dressers competing in the 100-meter dash with the coveted “Pearl Necklace” awarded to the champion.
Due to lingering COVID restrictions at the planned location, this year’s event was in jeopardy. If called off, it would’ve marked the first and only cancellation in the event’s 23-year history.
In a last ditch effort, Tracks’ organizers reached out to Bandimere Speedway and convinced them to host. “The show must go on, as they say, and thankfully Bandimere stepped up and helped turn our 23rd Annual Tracks Drag Race into a reality,” remarked organizer Coco von Brandi.
Mistaking the event for a traditional drag race, a regular contributor to a popular Colorado motor racing forum, incidentally also called Tracks, promoted the event to forum members. The error was innocent enough, but resulted in two very different worlds meeting face-to-face for perhaps the first time.
“It was crazy,” said Gordie Abbott, who was working security at Bandimere that night. “There was this old rancher-looking dude in overalls in line right behind a guy dressed as Liza Minnelli. Never seen anything quite like it.”
When organizers realized what had happened, they feared the culture clash could be problematic. Spectator Bo Williams wasn’t pleased. “I was pretty pissed off. My buddies and I drove down from Greeley to see some fast and furious action, not a bunch of ladyboys prancin’.” But much to his own surprise, Williams and friends ended up sticking around.
“We figured we’d at least pound a couple MGD’s before turning around and headin’ home,” he explained. “I tried to buy a round from this bartender who was dead ringer for Dolly Parton except with a beard. She said no beers, but gave me something else. Most refreshing goddamn thing I’ve ever had. We thought, to hell with it, let’s stick around for a little while.” The Oyster has since confirmed that Williams and company were drinking basil lychee mojitos.
In fact, many racing fans decided to stay, and not solely on account of a newly-acquired taste for craft cocktails. “I’ll tell you what! Those guys, er, gals really can run! They went after each other like coyotes in the brush,” remarked a Bandimere regular from Kit Carson.
Drag racer Ginger Valentina said that despite the initial confusion, she is thrilled organizers chose Bandimere. “The night started off strange, but ended up a resounding success. If these disparate groups can get along like that, maybe there is hope for our country.”
Bandimere Speedway management agreed. “We said yes to this event for the money and publicity, but it turned out to be much more than that. I saw this burly lumberjack guy cheering so loudly his chew flew out and hit a 9-year-old in the back of the head,” remarked Terry Charles, Bandimere’s general manager. “If that doesn’t warm your heart, you’re not a real American.”