President Trump Admits His Orange Coloration is Due to His Support of the Denver Broncos
In a recent speech to the United Nations, President Trump explained that his odd coloration is a result of his love for the Denver Broncos. Mr. Trump said, “You look at that orange, you think of toughness. You think of champions. Just amazing people. Amazing energy. Total winners. Believe me.”
Denver Post Doxxes Dinger: There’s A Real Person In There!
DENVER—In a daring act of investigative heroism that will surely be taught in journalism schools for decades, The Denver Post has confirmed that beloved Rockies mascot “Dinger” is—brace yourselves—an actual human being in a dinosaur suit.
Denver’s First Women’s Pro Soccer Team to Play at Empty Lot Behind Chipotle
DENVER, CO — In a historic announcement met with mild curiosity and a single thumbs-up emoji, Denver’s first professional women’s soccer team, Summit FC, revealed their inaugural home venue: the empty gravel lot behind the Chipotle on Colfax.
Rockies Announce ‘Tren de Aragua Bobblehead Night’
In a bold promotional move, the Colorado Rockies announced that next month’s game against the Miami Marlins will feature Tren de Aragua Bobblehead Night, honoring the notorious Venezuelan crime syndicate that’s been making headlines — and unwanted house calls — across the country.
NBA Owners Successfully Convince Players to Stand for National Anthem
With TV ratings tanking and alienated fan bases, the NBA champion Los Angeles Lakers knew they needed to get players standing for the anthem, and fast! Fortunately, the team believes they’ve found the answer.