DENVER — In a bold move that’s already generating applause, outrage, and confused glances from grandparents, Denver’s Tattered Cover Bookstore has announced a new children’s series titled “The Gender Journey Library.”
The first release? A whimsically illustrated rhyming adventure titled Bye Bye Boobies—which the publisher promises is “perfect for ages 4 to 8, and anyone else confused by basic biology.”
“We saw a gap in the market for toddlers who want to medically transition by snack time,” said progressive children’s author Sage Moonbeam-River (pronouns: they/thy/themster), who wrote Bye Bye Boobies during a particularly intense oat milk colonic. “Our books aim to teach children that biology is a social construct, and the real magic is in choosing your own pronouns—preferably before kindergarten.”
The launch party will include a live reading by a drag queen dressed as a sentient stethoscope, free chest binder coupons hidden inside gumball machines, and a “Build-A-Gender” workshop near the Curious George display.
Critics have raised concerns, suggesting that maybe The Cat in the Hat shouldn’t be replaced with The Cat Who Had Top Surgery, but Tattered Cover remains unfazed.
“We’ve already ordered 10,000 copies of our next title: So Long, Schlong!” said store manager Ember Flame (pronouns: Xe/Xer).
Sample from “Bye Bye Boobies” by Dr. TheySeuss:
*“I had some small lumps—two soft little nubs,
But now I wear vests and hang out in pubs!
My name was once Lizzie, but now it is Lou,
And if you misgender me—shame, shame on you!
The doctor was nice, they snipped with great care,
Now nothing up top, just flat under there!
My pronouns are ‘he’ and sometimes just ‘zay,’
And I pick a new gender most every Tuesday!”*
Coming next month: “Hormones With Hugs: A Puberty Blocker Bedtime Story.”
