“Summit FC” says intimate venue perfect for projected turnout of 17 people and a dog
DENVER, CO — In a historic announcement met with mild curiosity and a single thumbs-up emoji, Denver’s first professional women’s soccer team, Summit FC, revealed their inaugural home venue: the empty gravel lot behind the Chipotle on Colfax.
Team officials said the location was selected after an exhaustive search for a stadium that matched both their ambitious spirit and brutally realistic expectations for attendance.
“We looked at Empower Field and Dick’s Sporting Goods Park, but they both had this weird ‘people might show up’ vibe,” said Summit FC’s venue coordinator Skylar Blume, sipping from a lavender oat milk latte. “The gravel lot just felt right. It’s raw, it’s edgy, and it’s got built-in ambiance from the nearby vape shop.”
The lot, affectionately dubbed Summit Stadium, will feature bleacher seating for up to 25 (or 40 if fans bring their own camp chairs), a food truck that leaves by halftime, and restrooms generously shared by the adjacent Shell station.
When asked if they were worried about low turnout, team president Kaleigh Nomura was confident. “Our analytics team ran simulations and determined that three parents, two supportive boyfriends, a bored jogger, and a lost Uber driver would attend every home game. That’s a full house by our standards.”
Summit FC will open their season against Salt Lake City’s Wasatch Womyn, with kickoff scheduled for 3:17 p.m. “or whenever Janet gets off work and brings the ball.”
In related news, the team is reportedly negotiating a multi-year TV deal with the local public access channel, sandwiched between a gardening show and high school debate replays.
