DENVER, CO — Colorado Governor Jared Polis held an impromptu press conference Tuesday where he strongly denied longstanding claims that the Centennial State is, in fact, shaped like a rectangle. “This is yet another baseless right-wing conspiracy,” Polis said, standing in front of a PowerPoint slide featuring a crudely drawn trapezoid. “We are not, nor have we ever been, a rectangle. Anyone saying otherwise is perpetuating harmful geographic misinformation. Colorado is actually an ‘irregular, inclusive parallelogram,’ and I encourage all Coloradans to embrace our topographic diversity.”