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OYSTER ARCHIVE

State Can’t Fill Potholes, But Will Expand Telluride Film Festival Subsidy For Documentary About Potholes

State Can’t Fill Potholes, But Will Expand Telluride Film Festival Subsidy For Documentary About Potholes

DENVER, CO—Admitting that “hard infrastructure is complicated,” Colorado state officials announced Monday that while they remain unable to fill the rapidly multiplying potholes across state highways, they have successfully expanded a multimillion-dollar subsidy for a Telluride Film Festival documentary exploring the deeper meaning of potholes.
Colorado Sex Worker Bill Fails to Reach Climax

Colorado Sex Worker Bill Fails to Reach Climax

DENVER—After months of buildup, anticipation, and legislative foreplay, Colorado’s much-talked-about sex worker decriminalization bill ultimately fizzled out Monday, leaving lawmakers and advocates alike experiencing what political analysts described as “a bipartisan case of legislative blue balls.”
Downtown Boulder Unveils New Game- Homeless? Or Just From Boulder?

Downtown Boulder Unveils New Game: Homeless? Or Just From Boulder?

BOULDER, CO — In an innovative effort to “reframe community concerns as community engagement,” Downtown Boulder this week unveiled a new augmented-reality smartphone game asking residents and tourists alike to answer one deceptively simple question: Homeless? Or just from Boulder?
Report: Boulder’s NCAR to Become Trump Presidential Library

Report: Boulder’s NCAR to Become Trump Presidential Library

BOULDER, CO—In a move experts are calling “either masterful political trolling or the greatest misunderstanding of Boulder zoning laws in history,” sources confirmed this week that the former National Center for Atmospheric Research (NCAR) will soon be repurposed as the Trump Presidential Library.
Oh Crap: Nederland Discovers Oil at Eldora Ski Resort

Oh Crap: Nederland Discovers Oil at Eldora Ski Resort

NEDERLAND, CO — In what local environmentalists are calling "the worst thing that could possibly happen," a Nederland city employee has accidentally discovered a massive oil reserve beneath the recently acquired Eldora Ski Resort.
ICE deports foreign wolves form Colorado

ICE to deport foreign wolves from Colorado

DENVER, CO — In a bold show of border enforcement, U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement announced today it has begun deporting dozens of Canadian wolves found illegally roaming Colorado. Officials say the wolves failed to present valid visas or proof of American ancestry, leading to what is being called the “largest wildlife immigration raid since the 2015 moose crisis.”