COLORADO SPRINGS, CO—Many of the details surrounding Santa’s annual trek across the globe to deliver presents has remained a mystery. One of the bigger questions—just how Santa powers his sleigh—appears to have been solved by experts at the North American Aerospace Defense Command (NORAD).
“For many years now, the world has believed that Santa’s sleigh runs on reindeer who are in turn powered by emissions-free Christmas magic,” explained Colonel Martin Westley of NORAD. “Our team used state-of-the-art time lapse photography to capture Santa in flight, and found that this simply is not the case.”
Colonel Westley presented several images and further explained the findings. “Mr. Claus is quite fast, so we were previously unable to capture definitive evidence. But these pictures clearly show a sizable diesel exhaust plume coming from his sleigh. Our estimates indicate that the carbon footprint is comparable to that of an ‘89 Ford F-450.”
Despite the sleigh’s once per year usage, many prominent environmental activists are outraged and vowing to make Santa pay. An online petition has been initiated demanding that Claus convert to full Christmas magic power immediately. The petition also call for him to personally shell out nearly $2.8 billion to build magic charging stations throughout the world.
“If he does not comply,” their website warns, “we won’t rest until that awful man is no longer allowed to spread holiday cheer.”
Santa has not commented publicly, but sources close to Claus indicate he was observed just this morning moving several names to the naughty list.