After the widespread vandalism and destruction that gripped downtown Denver last year went virtually unchecked, Governor Polis vowed a much harsher stance in 2021 in the form of reminder signs placed across the city.
“It’s time we make the message clear to would-be rioters that we simply will not tolerate it,” Polis said as he introduced his plan on Wednesday. “And what makes that message clearer than ‘Riot Free Zone’ signs?”
After spending approximately $1.2 million in taxpayer dollars to study the issue, Polis concluded that raging mobs generally lack awareness as to the acceptability of riots in their particular location.
The governor outlined additional details about his plan. “Well, first we place the signs. Next, I’ve instructed that during a riot, responding officers should point to the signs. I really think that ought to do it,” he continued. “But if the crowd still won’t disperse, we will stamp them out by distributing ‘No Rioting’ pamphlets which, by the way, include translation for our Spanish-speaking rioters.”
Polis was asked whether any aspect of his plan involves actual intervention. “Well, of course,” he replied. “If things get really out of hand, we will take a much more in-your-face approach to include sign spinners, inflatable tube men, and maybe even using airplane banners.”
If this plan proves a success, the governor intends to launch his “No Homicide Zone” window decal program, which he says should eradicate violent crime statewide.