DENVER, CO – Construction at Denver International Airport has been delayed once again, this time as a result of a 10PM noise restriction demanded by the aliens living in the tunnels below.
Construction on DIA’s Great Hall has not gone according to plan since work began in July 2018. This will represent the most significant delay since the discovery of weaker-than-expected concrete in the terminal pushed the scheduled completion date back by nearly three years.
In a press conference yesterday afternoon, airport officials explained that while construction will continue throughout the day, a sternly-worded letter and threat of legal action from the not-so-secret aliens living beneath the airport left them no choice but to stop all overnight work.
While the letter was not released to the public, The Oyster received a copy from a whistleblower. It began simply enough, “Aliens need sleep too.” However, it then went on to contain vague threats – both physical and legal.
The letter reveals many shocking insights into alien life aside from their human-like circadian rhythm and grasp of the English language.
For example, why did it take the aliens over two years to complain about the noise at night? The letter explains why. “Our alien form of government down here is just as inefficient as your government up there,” the letter states. “It took us about two years to gather enough political will to issue this letter and another 6 months to agree on the wording.”
Perhaps the most interesting revelation was the compromise proposed by the aliens but rejected by airport officials. It turns out, the alien economy and employment numbers are doing about as poorly as ours, although the letter didn’t state why.
As a result, the aliens proposed a compromise. “We will tolerate the nightly disruptions if you’ll commit to employing a select number of us, just through the end of construction,” the aliens suggested. “We aliens have a tremendous work ethic. We’re very conscientious and also great at math.”
Airport officials, however, rejected the proposal in favor of more delays. Marnie Wheelman, DIA’s Senior VP of Communications replied, “Can you imagine the backlash we would receive if we gave American jobs to illegal aliens? Denver has gone far left, sure, but that would be political suicide.”